ARLINGTON, VA (IWR News Parody) -
On the campaign trial in Virginia today, President Bush took
personal credit for the
cicadas emerging this year on the East Coast.
"If all you
did was listen to that goddamn liberal news media, you'd think that
the whole stinking world was going to hell in hand basket, and that it
was all my fault. That's why I'm here in Arlington today to set
the record straight and take credit for this record bumper crop of cicadas.
I mean, there must trillions of these suckers out here, and it all
took place on my watch. It's a sign from the Lord! Think
about it people. If Kerry were president, all you'd probably get
would be a half dozen or so of those ugly walking sticks," said a jubilant