WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) - Attorney
General John D.
Ashcroft issued a new red herring alert yesterday for local
police to search for Al Qaeda suspects and people on Mr. Ashcroft's
personal black list in the United States who may or may not be
planning to attack a major event this summer, possibly at the World
National Tractor Pulling Championships in Bowling Green, Ohio.
"Credible intelligence, from multiple sources, indicates that al Qaeda
plans to attempt an attack on the United States in the next few
months," Ashcroft said. "This disturbing intelligence indicates al
Qaeda's specific intention is to hit the U.S. hard." He said the
information has been "corroborated on a variety of levels."
"Then again, this could all be just a bunch bullshit made up by the
same morons who told us about WMD in Iraq," cautioned Ashcroft.
''Nonetheless, we ask citizens to be aware of their surroundings.
If you see someone who looks like Dr. Science at Walmart or someone
like Kofi Annan casing out bridges, report it to your local police
department, sheriff's office, or to the FBI," said the Attorney