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IWR Photo Cartoon - John Ashcroft

Ashcroft Issues a Karl Rove Red Herring Alert

WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) - Attorney General John D. Ashcroft  issued a new red herring alert yesterday for local police to search for Al Qaeda suspects and people on Mr. Ashcroft's personal black list in the United States who may or may not be planning to attack a major event this summer, possibly at the World National Tractor Pulling Championships in Bowling Green, Ohio.

"Credible intelligence, from multiple sources, indicates that al Qaeda plans to attempt an attack on the United States in the next few months," Ashcroft said. "This disturbing intelligence indicates al Qaeda's specific intention is to hit the U.S. hard." He said the information has been "corroborated on a variety of levels."

"Then again, this could all be just a bunch bullshit made up by the same morons who told us about WMD in Iraq," cautioned Ashcroft.

''Nonetheless, we ask citizens to be aware of their surroundings.  If you see someone who looks like Dr. Science at Walmart or someone like Kofi Annan casing out bridges, report it to your local police department, sheriff's office, or to the FBI," said the Attorney General.


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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2004.

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